December 13 Still patiently waiting on the letter of invitation. Seems like it will never arrive. December 16 Still waiting on the letter of invitation. If it doesn't come by tomorrow, most likely our travel plans will be delayed until December 31, New Year's Eve. December 21 We've switched our reservations to New Years Eve but now our coordinator thinks the Letter of Invitation will not come til early January, so we'll probably be pushed back a little further. December 28 Our reservations have been changed to January 9. Still waiting, but not so patiently anymore...reciting the "Serenity Prayer" daily.... January 4 If we don't get our loi tomorrow, most likely we will bump our flights to January 11.

Journal Entry Some thoughts on Older Child Adoption... Upon hearing of our impending adoption, a psychologist aquaintance of mine commented "You must be very brave to adopt an older child."  My response was "No, not brave. We just feel called to bring an older child into our lives." She studied me in a way that only psychologists can do, managed a weak smile (that insinuated that we must be crazy) and walked away. Left to muse, I thought "a calling, hmmm...that was a goofy thing to say"...was surprised by my own answer, hadn't really  thought of it that way. Upon reflection, this is truly how this feels. Perhaps the psychologist in her had brought out the truth in me...that this is indeed a calling for us. And brave? Not likely...there are plenty of moments when doubts test our resolve, especially when we consider this understaking from a logical standpoint.  Why would anyone in their right mind travel 7000 miles to adopt a child from a different culture, different language, unknown values? Any child living in an orphanage hasn't had an easy start to life, and will certainly have a number of obstacles to overcome.  Do we have the abilities to be able to help her through this? We don't know. Which is why it is so amazing that from a spiritual perspective, for Kevin & I both, this experience seems to involve a kind of synchronicity and destiny that has brought the three of us together to be a family. It feels right, and that feeling flows to the depths of our souls. We are moved to make it so. Regardless of how difficult the transition will be for Ludmila, it is certainly an improvement of her life situation.  Life with us will bring her opportunities that she would not have had if she had remained in the orphanage system. For Kevin & I, the prospective parents, it is an opportunity for more depth in life that comes from the challenges of familial relationships. Any connections to fellow human beings is a precious gift indeed. The most priceless aspects of life don't come without pain and sacrifice. So if this relationship begins later in life, with a slightly unusual start, perhaps the beauty of it will be even more poignant. It is by overcoming obstacles that we experience soul growth. This is a reciprocal relationship for both the adopted child and the parent. We will bring each other personal gifts.  We embrace the fact that we are not just doing this for the child, but that we are doing this for ourselves as well. We hope to enter into this process with humility and courage. Reminds me of the saying by Ambrose Redmoon "Courage isn't the absence of fear, but the judgement that something else is more important than fear." So we continue to move forward, fearful of the unknown, yet commited to this journey of faith that is very important to us.

The Road Not Taken... Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.   From The Poetry of Robert Frost by Robert Frost

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